September 13, 2026 Sixteenth Sunday after Pentecost
Genesis 50:15-21; Romans 14:1-12; and Matthew 18:21-35
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable to you, O Lord, our rock and our Redeemer. Amen.
Please be seated.
The Challenge of Forgiveness
In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes: “Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”[1] Lewis knew that it can be very difficult to forgive someone who wrongs us. Psychologist Ilene S. Cohen writes: “Humans are programmed to avoid danger or anyone who has proven to be untrustworthy.”[2] To forgive someone who has wronged us can expose us to danger. Moreover, in our hyper-competitive society, we often think that people who forgive others are weak and lack self-respect. Some people even call them “losers.”
Jesus, however, tells us we must forgive others because God first forgave us. Today’s Gospel reading makes it clear that God will withhold forgiveness if we do not forgive our brother or sister from our heart (Matt 18:35). This is not the only passage that commands us to forgive. The Lord’s Prayer famously says, “And forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6:12). There are many other passages in which Jesus makes God’s forgiveness of us conditional on our forgiveness of others (Matt 6:14-15; Mark 11:25; Luke 6:37; Luke 17:3-4). Why does Jesus insist on this? The famous Presbyterian pastor and theologian Tim Keller explained that refusal to forgive shows that we don’t truly recognize our own need for forgiveness.[3] If God’s forgiveness is conditional on our accepting that we need it, which is the essence of repentance, then it makes sense that it is also conditional on our extending it to others. Still, it is not always easy to forgive.
What forgiveness is, and what it isn’t
The goal of forgiveness is reconciliation with the person who harmed you.
Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. You can love the one who hurt you by wishing them their ultimate good, but you don’t have to LIKE him. Tim Keller wrote, “Forgiveness means giving up the right to seek repayment from the one who harmed you.”[4] Forgiveness also means renouncing revenge by placing it in God’s hands (Deut 32:35, Rom 12:19). We should want the best for the one who wronged us, just as we want the best for ourselves when we do evil. Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring your anger, but you should direct your anger at the evil act, not the person who did it.
Forgiveness does NOT mean ignoring the wrong if it is significant. Tim Keller wrote, “We are to deeply forgive on the inside so as to have no desire for vengeance, but then we are to speak openly about what has happened with a desire to help the person see what was done wrong.”[5] In last week’s Gospel reading (Matthew 18:15-17), Jesus gives us a process to follow if someone in the church harms us. First, discuss it with the person alone. If that doesn’t work, take one or two witnesses with you to discuss the problem with the person. If that still doesn’t work, take it to the church.
In the case of a serious crime, forgiveness does NOT mean ignoring the demands of justice. You may owe it to your fellow citizens to report the crime to the police. For example, our church’s safeguarding principles require that sexual abuse of a minor or other vulnerable person should be reported to the police.
How to forgive someone who wrongs you
Tim Keller offers a four-step process to forgive someone:[6]
First, refuse to directly hurt the person who harmed you.
Second, refuse to employ innuendo or “spin” or hint or gossip or direct slander to diminish those who have hurt you in the eyes of others.
Third, refuse to indulge in ill-will in your heart. Don’t replay the hurt in your mind. Don’t vilify or demonize the offender in your imagination. Rather, recognize the common sinful humanity you share with him or her.
Finally, pray for the person who hurt you, keeping in mind God’s gracious forgiveness of your sins. Recognizing that we also sometimes do wrong and need forgiveness makes it easier to forgive others.
Benefits of forgiveness
Forgiveness may be hard, but we gain many benefits from doing it. The most obvious benefit is a restored relationship. It is hard, perhaps impossible, to maintain a healthy relationship with those who have wronged you until you forgive them, since your resentment will eat away at the relationship. This is especially important in families. It is hard to love someone who has harmed you until you forgive them.
In addition to restored relationships, forgiveness brings peace and reconciliation to the community. You may have heard the story about the Hatfields and McCoys, whose long-standing feud in the late nineteenth century was turned into a miniseries. The two clans lived in the border region between West Virginia and Kentucky. The feud was triggered by an incident involving a pig. Floyd Hatfield claimed the pig was his because it was in his meadow, but Randall McCoy claimed the pig had escaped from his stall and so was his. The case went to court. A mutual relative, Bill Staton, testified for the Hatfields, and was later killed by two members of the McCoy clan. The feud escalated further when Johnse Hatfield and Rosanna McCoy had an illicit relationship. Two McCoys grabbed Johnse and wanted to kill him, but he was rescued by the Hatfields. Later, three McCoy brothers killed Ellison Hatfield. In revenge, the Hatfields killed the three McCoy brothers who had killed their brother. The feud continued to escalate. Between 1880 and 1891, more than a dozen people died. The clans finally declared peace, but only because the authorities forced them to. Had the Hatfields and McCoys forgiven each other when their disagreement over the pig began, many lives would have been saved. Until there is forgiveness, warring parties can at best achieve a cease-fire, but not real peace.
Forgiveness also offers significant mental health benefits, such as freedom from bitterness. Until we forgive, we carry around a burden of resentment, which can transform into bitterness, which in turn gnaws away at our happiness. Forgiving others also reduces stress, which is good for our physical health. Ilene S. Cohen writes, “Letting go invites peace and the release of unresolved conflict and can boost mental health.”[7]
Finally, Christ commands us to forgive others. When we forgive others, we have the satisfaction of knowing we are doing what He wants us to do.
Example: The story of Joseph Gen 37-50
Today’s Old Testament reading gives a wonderful example of the importance of forgiveness.
Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son, because he was born when Jacob was an old man. Jacob made his favoritism obvious, and his other sons were jealous. Joseph’s brothers sold him to slave traders, telling their father he was killed by a wild animal. The slave traders brought Joseph to Egypt and sold him to Potiphar, the captain of Pharaoh’s guard, who soon placed Joseph in charge of his household. Potiphar’s wife found Joseph attractive and asked him to sleep with her. When Joseph refused, Potiphar’s wife told her husband that Joseph had tried to sleep with her. Potiphar threw Joseph into prison.
Pharaoh had a dream: seven sleek and fat cows were grazing, then seven cows that were ugly and gaunt ate up the seven sleek, fat cows. A second dream with seven ears of corn was similar. The cupbearer, for whom Joseph had interpreted a dream while he was in prison, told Pharaoh about Joseph. Pharaoh summoned him from prison and told him his dreams. Joseph interpreted them: seven years of good harvests would be followed by seven years of famine. Joseph recommended that Pharaoh appoint commissioners who would store a fifth of the harvest in each of the good years so there would be enough grain in the bad years. Pharaoh placed Joseph in charge of this.
During the famine, Joseph’s brothers went to Egypt to purchase grain. They met Joseph but failed to recognize him. Joseph gave them grain but took Simeon as a hostage until they returned with Benjamin, the youngest brother. When the grain was eaten, they convinced Jacob to let them return with Benjamin. Finally, Joseph revealed himself to his brothers and asked them to get his father, who came with the rest of the nation of Israel.
Joseph had every reason to be bitter and to exact revenge from his brothers. He had suffered greatly due to their treachery. Joseph toyed with his brothers to get his brother Benjamin, and ultimately his father and the whole tribe, down to Egypt. During their ordeal, his brothers came to repent for what they had done. Joseph forgave his brothers, telling them: “Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of God? Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today” (Gen 50:19-20). Joseph’s forgiveness of his brothers was essential for the unity of the people of Israel and ultimately paved the way for the coming of the Messiah.
Example: Jesus on the cross
The ultimate example of forgiveness is Jesus on the cross. Our Lord was treated shamefully by the Romans and the religious authorities and abandoned by his own disciples. As He was dying, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). Jesus had every right to curse those who hurt him, but He chose to forgive them.
Jesus died to reconcile us, and all creation, to the Father. He paid the penalty for sin, so we wouldn’t have to. He forgave those who killed Him and forgives us, too. In turn, we need to forgive those who hurt us.
Closing prayer
Let’s pray. Lord, thank you for forgiving us for our sins and shortcomings. Give us grace to likewise forgive those who hurt us. Amen.
[1] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (London: William Collins, 2016), 115.
[2] Ilene S. Cohen, “Why Forgiveness Is So Hard (But Important),” Psychology Today (May 26, 2021).
[3] Tim Keller, “Serving Each Other Through Forgiveness and Reconciliation,” Gospel in Life.com, 3.
[4] Ibid., 2.
[5] Tim Keller, “Serving Each Other Through Forgiveness and Reconciliation,” Gospel in Life.com, 4.
[6] Tim Keller, “Serving Each Other Through Forgiveness and Reconciliation,” Gospel in Life.com, 2.
[7] Cohen, ibid.